Saturday, August 18, 2007

Top Ten Reasons to Read Romance


Just for laughs – The next installment of my Top 10 lists.


Top Ten Reasons to Read Romance


Reading romance novels will…

10. Spice Up Your Own Romance – Tired? Not in the mood? Read a romance and yell. “I’m all yours, baby!” WARNING: This only works if there’s a man in the room.

9. Improve Your Husband’s Physic – Once he sees the men on those covers, he’ll run to the gym. His muscles will have muscles. Okay, maybe he’ll just suck in his gut and put on new underwear. (That’s an improvement.)

8. Enhance Your Quality of Life – Reading fills time you would have spent on useless chores―like cooking. Toddlers can make mac and cheese in an Easy Bake Oven.

7. Provide an Escape From Reality – Close your eyes and your significant other will transform from the man who burps the alphabet in Bart Simpson’s voice to the hunky model on the cover of the book. (Keep your eyes closed. And don’t let him talk.)

6. Make Your Dreams Come True – Every romance novel contains a hunky hero, who can only follow the script the author wrote. He’ll tell you, “You’re beautiful.” “You’ve lost weight.” “I'd love to put the toilet seat down.”

5. Spread Goodwill Toward Men – Just got divorced? Dumped by a boyfriend? Want all men to hang from the Empire State Building by ____ until they drop? Read romance novels. You’ll soon realize there is hope. Not all men are cheating, hound dogs, who should be run over repeatedly by Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell locked up together in a monster truck. You can find true love and reading romance novels will help heal your heart.

4. Cure PMS – Okay, I’m lying. (But it could relieve stress and that’s always a good thing.)

3. Guarantee a Happy Ending – The heroine may discover her business tanked, her identity has been stolen, her twin sister ran off with her boyfriend, the villain is plotting her violent death, and she’s gained three ounces, but in the end, she will rise above it all. She will form a new Fortune 500 Company, invent a medication to cure her sister’s STD, trap the villain with her wit and her Nancy Drew Detective Kit, all before losing five pounds, and winning the heart of the handsome bodyguard.

2. Prevent Muggings – While on mass transit, cover your romance novel with the removable jacket off the book, Weapons Guide for Assassins.
Just don’t sit next to the man reading 10. Spice Up Your Romantic Life – Tired? Not in the mood? Read a romance and yell. “I’m all yours, baby!” WARNING: This only works if there’s a man in the room.

9. Improve Your Husband’s Physic – Once he sees the men on those covers, he’ll run to the gym. His muscles will have muscles. Okay, maybe he’ll just suck in his gut and put on new underwear. (That’s an improvement.)

8. Enhance Your Quality of Life – Reading fills time you would have spent on useless chores―like cooking. Toddlers can make mac and cheese in an Easy Bake Oven.

7. Provide an Escape From Reality – Close your eyes and your significant other will transform from the man who burps the alphabet in Bart Simpson’s voice to the hunky model on the cover of the book. (Keep your eyes closed. And don’t let him talk.)

6. Make Your Dreams Come True – Every romance novel contains a hunky hero, who can only follow the script the author wrote. He’ll tell you, “You’re beautiful.” “You’ve lost weight.” “I love you. Marry me, move into my mansion, and spend all my money.”

5. Spread Goodwill Toward Men – Just got divorced? Dumped by a boyfriend? Want all men to hang from the Empire State Building by ____ until they drop? Read romance novels. You’ll soon realize there is hope. Not all men are cheating, hound dogs, who should be run over repeatedly by Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell locked up together in a monster truck. You can find true love and reading romance novels will help heal your heart.

4. Cure PMS – Okay, I’m lying. (But it could relieve stress and that’s always a good thing.)

3. Guarantee a Happy Ending – The heroine may discover her business tanked, her identity has been stolen, her twin sister ran off with her boyfriend, the villain is plotting her violent death, and she’s gained three ounces, but in the end, she will rise above it all. She will form a new Fortune 500 Company, invent a medication to cure her sister’s STD, trap the villain with her wit and her Nancy Drew Detective Kit, all before losing five pounds, and winning the heart of the handsome bodyguard.

2. Prevent Muggings – While on mass transit, cover your romance novel with the removable jacket off the book, Weapons Guide for Assassins.
Just don’t sit next to the man reading Guidebook for FBI Agents.

AND FINALLY, the number one reason to read romance novels is…

1. Confirm Your Undying Belief in True Love – Reading romances proves there is a hero for every woman. If the chubby, freckle-faced, one-eyed, three-legged, arsonist heroine with acne can find true love, so can you.
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AND FINALLY, the number one reason to read romance novels is…

1. Confirm Your Undying Belief in True Love – Reading romances proves there is a hero for every woman. If the chubby, freckle-faced, one-eyed, three-legged, arsonist heroine with acne can find true love, so can you.


Now go read a good romance. Tell the bookstore, Tina sent you.
PERMISSION GIVEN TO COPY IF PROPER CREDIT IS GIVEN TO THE AUTHOR

5 comments:

Kaz Augustin said...

What a great post, Tina! Really made my day.

Lynne Logan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lynne Logan said...

Hey, Tina. I love your romance list. What a fantastic idea! Can't wait to read your other top 10 lists.

Edie said...

An arsonist heroine? LOL I haven't read that book yet, Tina. This was a fun post. I'll be back. :)

Tina LaVon said...

Lynne,
I deleted the other comment because your post was printed twice. I didn't know it would leave that comment about your post being removed by the administrator. It sound like you left something naughty I had to remove. LOL
Tina

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