Friday, July 20, 2007

Top Ten Reasons to Write Romantic Suspense

Welcome to my world. You may be wondering why I dedicated my blog to David Letterman. Like many of you, I'm a list person. I heard first-born children often suffer from this incurable need to write lists. Rather than fight my addiction, I decided to channel my compulsions in a positive direction by sharing my unusual look at life and writing. This is purely for fun and laughs. Please don't send referrals to mental health experts.

I recently signed a contract with Wild Rose Press for Liquid Hypnosis, a romantic suspense with a paranormal twist. Liquid Hypnosis is a smart detective story with very few comedic moments. On the other hand, the romantic suspense I'm working on now is a dark comedy. You can read excerpts of both stories on my website at www.suspensebytina.com.

If you’re a writer, or are ever thought of becoming one, I’d like to share my-

Top 10 Reasons for Writing Romantic Suspense.

10. You can knock off the person you hate the most—repeatedly. At least once in
every book, but change the "character's" name so your fans don’t catch on.

9. You have total control of the hunky hero—in and out of bed. Like playing with a male
blow-up doll. (Do they make those? I need one to drive in the carpool lane. Three will
get me a family discount at the zoo.)

8. When you’re caught talking to yourself, you can say, “I’m a writer.”
Psychiatrists will nod and leave you alone. So will the bill collectors.

7. When you need to know how many bodies will fit into a dumpster, your friends
will gladly jump in for a mention on the dedication page. Do it twice a month
for fun.

6. You can ask men on the street to pose topless for your next book cover—and they will.
Ask politicians, firemen and construction workers before on-duty police officers.

5. You can make the Homecoming Queen poison the Mean Girl from high school
and force the Head Cheerleader to run her over with her candy apple-red
convertible. If the book doesn’t sell, make them all come back as vampires
and name one of them Buffy.

4. You can write in your PJ's, or in the nude—just not while you’re drinking your
mocha at Starbucks. (They get huffy about that sort of thing.)

3. When you’re caught stalking George Clooney, you can tell the judge you were
ghostwriting his autobiography. George might even believe you. Tell him his
agent sent you and that it was Julia Robert's idea.

2. When you need to choreograph romance scenes, you can watch XXX
rated movies and call it, “research”—I’ve heard. (Do any of the men look like Fabio?)


AND FINALLY,

1. People are nice to you because they’ve read your books and know how twisted
you really are. “No, I’m not.” “Yes, I am.” “No, I’m not.”


I hope you will visit again in the weeks to come for my next list: The Top Ten Reasons to Read Romance Novels. And remember to take time to laugh; your face needs parenthesis framing your mouth.

PERMISSION GRANTED TO COPY AND SHARE THIS LIST, PROVIDED PROPER CREDIT IS GIVEN TO THE AUTHOR. That is assuming you find if humorous enough to copy.

8 comments:

Tacha Lyons said...

This is a hoot!! I can't wait for the next one.

Scarlett Sanderson said...

"9. You have total control of the hunky hero—in and out of bed. Like playing with a male
blow-up doll."

That had me snorting coffee onto the screen! Loved it, and considering I'm writing a romantic suspense at the moment, it was a real hoot!

Tina LaVon said...

Snorting coffee is the best compliment I could ask for.
Thanks,
Tina

Jane Richardson, writer said...

Loved it, especially 2 - you can get away with just about anything if you call it research! Can't wait for the Reasons To Read!

Jane x

Nita Wick said...

ROTF I love it!

Sandra Ferguson said...

Absolutely loved reason #9. I can so relate. My kids have told everyone for years that I'm twisted and that's WHY I write. Um, I like to think of it as a way to get revenge. It's amazing the number of family traits my secondary characters exhibit.

Thanks for sharing such a great post.

Pop over and visit me. I love your totally wicked sense of humor.

BTW: What a great cover!

Clover said...

Hilarious, Tina. What a riot.

sixy said...

Tina, your Top 10 is too funny! Thanks for editing the punctuation framing my mouth.

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